So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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