Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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