Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
