Jerry, you need to find god
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize