and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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