im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
