She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
