So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
