woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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