I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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