What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
