piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
