there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
