I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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