I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
