TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
