Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
