Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
