he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
whose ass print is on the piano?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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