Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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