I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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