Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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