he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
