i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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