That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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