I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
