what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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