Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize