Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
