that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
