so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
