how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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