Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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