shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
