I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
