Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
