Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize