Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
