I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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