i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
