If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
