U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
