Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
