FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
