The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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