dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
