Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
