You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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