why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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