it wasn't lemon gatorade
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have post one night stand depression
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
