i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
