She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
