The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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