I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
