When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
