you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
