We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
