is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
