i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize