I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
