just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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